Monday, 22 November 2010


Just Like Being Slapped With A Wet Fish.

What is he talking about they all chorus. Well, here at the underground bunker, where we hide away secretly campaigning against Fake Explosive Detectors, we just love our legal threats. The more the merrier we say. And we have reason to celebrate. The recent arrival of a 0.1 gram weight threat from David Vollmar at Unival in Germany.

Yep. The man who renamed the Sniffex Plus as the HEDD1 (Hasn't Even Detected Doo Doo Once!)

Yep, here it is folks. His wet fish slap of an email. Nearly as funny as Monty Python. In fact I fell off my chair laughing. OUCH!

Now then, now then, now then, Davide, David. Dave. Dodgy Dave Vollmar. You are a plonker aren't you! Anyway, as they say indahood, Bring it on mofo!

By the way, I am having your threat framed to hang on the wall with the one from Stelian at Mira tTelecom in Romania. He got upset with me as well. Can't think why. I am such a nice boy. Funny, haven't heard anymore from him.

Of course, you could try to get legal action to take down all the defamatory things we say about you Dodgy Dave. Can't you? Oh no. Of course you can't, because what we say is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. May I quote the Bible here (not that I believe in that anymore than the HEDD1!) but I feel it is apt, despite the dubious veracity of the source (funny, I think of you Dodgy Dave as a source of dubious veracity too!)

Here it is, and sorry for plagiarising Pulp Fiction (ooooh, I am having fun here. Pulp Fiction, same as the marketing stuff the fake detector sellers put out!)

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

Look out Dodgy Davey Vollmar! Not long now. BOO! Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you. And, if perchance we do meet in Court (Bob and No come to mind), then I'll enjoy watching you squirm, and wriggle like the worm you are.