25 February 2011released 11:08 A.M. GMT
FROM: The Mickey Mouse Institute of Technology (MMIT), Walt Disney World, Florida,
Ref: Swivelling Aerial Detector Devices Superseded.
In a top secret anouncement, released to everyone in the World, MMIT are obliged to make clear that the following products are now totally redundant: ADE651, HEDD1, GT200, Sniffex, Sniffex Plus, Quadro Tracker, Khoji, GADE651, Alpha 6, PSD-22 (and all other variants of the swivelling radio aerial detector devices).THIS IS VITAL INFORMATION FOR ALL GOVERNMENTS, MILITARY, POLICE, AND SECURITY PERSONNEL WORLDWIDE. DO NOT IGNORE!
Following contact from DiodeBell (www.diodebell.com), The following team carried out special long range testing of the AL-6D explosives detector: Professor M. Mouse Phd, Emeritus Professor, plus a hand selected crap (sorry, crack) group of highly trained assistants Professors: Goofy, D. Duck, Ms. Snow White, Winnie von Pooh, and a special guest appearance from Officer Dibble from Top Cat, (representing the forces of Law and Order).
Following these tests carried out in literally the last couple of minutes, we can safely announce that the AL-6D is without doubt 3 times as effective as the other products mentioned. The further away from it you get, the better perspective on it's quite incredible technobabble advances in sub-molecular, quantum energy, re-manipulation (S + M_QUEER). In fact CERN believe that the AL-6D has in fact detected a new particle, the Hogwash Bosun, and that's a factual fact, not a half-baked, half-arsed testimonial fact. How do I know? I saw it for myself of course!
This conclusion was based on careful and detailed observation of carefully controlled, double blind drunk experimentation. Professor Mickey said:
"We observed, for example, that the AL-6D has three aerials or prongs, versus the one that is common on other types as listed above. Mind you, that could have been multiple-vision hallucinations brought on by the extra strength tequila contaminant eliminating cleansing solution (TCECS MAX WITH MESCALIN WORM) we used on all surfaces prior to commencing.
On the basis of testing the other variants, where we have come up with an efficiency coefficient variable of + and - 0 for all, we conclude that the AL-6D is 3 X +/-0 effective in all conditions.
In fact, we have been very conservative in our calculation of 3 X Ground Zero effectiveness as we physicists notate the Total Lack Of Anything Theorem (TLOAT a.k.a Total Load Of Old Arse Tissue).
Actually, because the AL-6D comes with a battery, a few electronic bells and whistles (as they are known technically), and a sort of proper gadget like appearance (the design multiplier effect i.e. The fancier it looks the easier it is to con people formula), we could have rated it much, much higher.
Perhaps up to many factors greater on the X 0 scale ( Willie Wonka version 1.9.4 as opposed to the now discredited Peter Pan algorithm).
We estimate that it could easily reach the
(INFINITY) X 0 that until now we thought theoretically impossible."For the layperson (non-scientists), The Fake Explosives Detectors Campaign Group has issued the following statement:
"As we all know, Mickey is a fictional character. All statements issued in his name should be taken with a very large dose of NaCl, and a treble whisky. Please do not repeat these AL-6D experiments at home. If you happen to fail to find the 10 tons of TNT you lost down the back of the sofa a while back, serious injuries could be sustained.
Anything that looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck is either Donald or a fake explosives detector. We advise shooting either the duck or the person selling the detector, and we will carry out forensic tests at the Studios of Fantasy Island Forensics to determine which. Please send stamped address envelope for return of post-autopsy bits.
For further information please contact the Press Centre at Loonytunes Inc.
